Love Diary 1

My girlfriend Lyle keeps this diary where she writes her emotions into. Tonight she sent me this to read since she said that I need not to read her blog and read these notes of her instead. I love her so much. 


This is one of her notes. And I feel bad about myself after reading this. I've been really really bad to my girl. She doesn't know that when she wrote this, she was also on my mind- me being afraid to involve myself in a long distance relationship. But now, I am more mature than before and that love will not keep us apart from being a couple. 


Monday, June 21, 2010
10:44 PM

Pero araw-araw pa rin kitang iniisip. Araw-araw ko pa rin iniisip kung naalala mo ako. Araw-araw kong iniisip kung babalik ka pa ba. Araw-araw mo akong pinapahirapan pero ayus lang. I deserve this. Nakakapagod na sa totoo lang.

When will I be happy again… para akong sinumpa alam mo yun ha dinong??? Kaya mabuti pang may ginagawa ako para hindi na kita masyadong naalala eh. Hindi ko alam pero puro masayang alaala na lang yung naalala ko every time. Ganun ba talaga kapag tumatanda na? I am enjoying my single life pero I am scared na baka mawili na ako dito..natatakot ako na baka kakaisip ko sayo eh makalimutan ko ng may iba pang nandyan maliban sayo aldrin. My gosh. When will I see you again so that I may slap your face and say how much this hurts, that is if I can put this into words. I hate waiting for something that I am aware naman na will never come na. I hate waiting for your text everyday. I hate waiting for your friend request every time I open my facebook account. I hate seeing your face. I hate this aldrin. I would love to have you back into my life but I don’t think so that that will ever happen again and I hate you for that. I hate you. YOU. I hate myself. MYSELF. Two different entities. Two different bodies that were once one.

I hated you ever since this happened. I hated you for making me happy and then leaving all alone there at space, I hated you for everything that I regret before. I hate myself now and I simply hate you because you wont even talk to me. your mean. The meanest boy I've ever been in love
lyle edryl dela cruz: If you will just reply to my text messages I will really ask you this "what happened to us?we were almost there" but I just cant take your messages that curse me whenever I do that…so  I wont hurt myself na and just keep my thoughts to myself. I will just wait for the time that I will meet you again and hopefully I will have the courage to smile and I hope that I will see you smiling back at me.

I hate the moments like this one. I want to cry but I cant because people will see me crying and they will ask me why. I don’t want to explain myself anymore. I don’t want to pretend as if I am okay pa rin. I don’t want to… I never wanted to lose you. I am not prepared. Gosh.

Hindi naman siguro masamang magreminisce. Itetext ba kita?
Hindi ka naman magrereply eh pero susubukan ko ba talaga?
Yun pa rin ba number mo?
Ewan ko sayo. Hindi ko alam. Siguro mas mabuting hindi ko na lang tanungin. Siguro mas mabuting hindi ko na lang alam ang sagot. Tama hindi ko pipindutin ang keypad ng cellphone ko. Sana yung susunod na entry ko eh hindi na tungkol sayo. Ayoko na. hay

Mahal naman ako nila mama, alam kong kahit maldita ako eh marami pa rin namang nagmamahal sa akin. Buti na lang matino pa ako eh panu na kung wala na ako sa hulog tapos naalala pa kita madalas e di ang labas ko na nito eh lukaret diba? Pero may kulang pa rin kahit alam kong mahal nila ako. Marami na akong pagkukulang kay Lord… yun na siguro yun. Bahala na. basta ang alam ko aldrin ayoko na. I love you palaka.